Of Monkeys & Historians

Bhajji got it all wrong. I just learned from Procter (and that makes ME a learned man, not him!!) that Bhajji has been punished not for racism. It was for getting history wrong. The Aussies, apparently, vehemently objected to being called “monkeys”. They said their history is about criminals and convicts and deported inmates of debtors’ prisons. But they ain’t monkeys by any measure of the term.

I was too poor with History and never managed anything above a “C” till I was out of High school. To be honest, some of my mates are amazed by the fact that I ever made it out of High school. But I do remember having taken a few lessons about colonisation of the Down Under.

Australia wasn’t the cradle of civilisation. As a mater of fact, it will still take them some time to be civilised. They have all agreed to that. Procter told me so!!

Look Paji, you got to go back to school and get your knowledge of history right. After all, it is in the interest of the game. It’s perfect to be un-gentlemanly in cricket but you mustn’t call a convict, a monkey.

Interestingly, the aussies are led by an equally under-civilised joker called Ricky Ponting. Now, to me, the very name smacks of subterranean existence. RICKY – don’t you find that too lowly. There are much sober Christian first names. Much wholesome and respectful. Like Richard, for example. Somehow, Ricky doesn’t seem to be class. Not that I expect that of Aussies, just a passing mention of my discomfort.

Now this joker was once thrown out of Equinox (a pub) in Kolkata, for misbehaving with women. He was also banned once for fighting outside a pub in Kings Cross, NSW. That doesn’t make him a monkey though.

Bhajji boy, go brush yourself to some aussie women. That’s civilisation in down under. But don’t dare call them monkeys. “That’s not on, maiit".

PS: My apologies to all Monkeys, should I have hurt their sensibilities.